id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
