I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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