dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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