I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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