How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I supernannyed him into submission
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize