Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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