i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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