I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she looked like the before picture.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
