Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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