I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
