no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
