wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
