don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
