Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.