if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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