Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises