I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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