This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
