Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.