I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.