Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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