Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa

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(651): View more from Minnesota

my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego

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(205): View more from Alabama

Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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(740): View more from Ohio

So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy

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(210): View more from Texas

he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me

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(225): View more from Louisiana

We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl

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(347): View more from New York

Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers

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