We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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