It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
