In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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