That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
