If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
