i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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