Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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