I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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