I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
