I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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