I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
