You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
