You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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