my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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