I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
