What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
