he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
