the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
