you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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