I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
