i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
