apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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