As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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