i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
