What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
