Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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