no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize