the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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