jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
