dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
