i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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