We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
