When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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