Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
