You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
