dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
