party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
