well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
