My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
