There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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