One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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