in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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