I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
