Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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