You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
