CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
