did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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