At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
