Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
