One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
