can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
