you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
