He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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