today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it's like heaven, but drunker
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
