I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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