I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
