Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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