i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
