If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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