oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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