the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
420 ftw
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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