Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
