Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
